The Lady of the Lake
by crankyhermit
Summary: Arthur meets Merlin, who was born a girl; loves her, leaves her, and Gwaine finds her. And then Arthur comes back.


Warning: Written for a prompt for which Merlin was born a girl and so on and so forth, as indicated in the summary.  
**

* * *

The Lady of the Lake  
**

PART I

The Lady:  
_I first saw you in the lake, golden prince at the glowing gates of Avalon  
from the cold and shadowed tangle where my bones did lie.  
Golden prince, I pulled you free, remembering your father  
your father the king who wrapped me round with irons  
and pushed me in these waters.  
So far from rest so close to Avalon  
I thought you should not find peace there where I could not, though the Sidhe curse me for it.  
I am beyond their reach, and your father's  
but not yours  
when you woke and thought yourself saved  
and held my shadow, promised me the earth and forever.  
Golden prince shining in the warm sun  
you cannot see how I am bound to these waters  
these cold waters where my bones lie, wrapped round with irons  
tangled in trailing weeds and half-sunk in silt.  
The worms know my heart, the fish my eyes  
better than you ever will, my prince  
who lies on the soft grass with my shadow while I  
watch you from the waters at the gates of Avalon._

_Were I born a boy you would not have found me here.  
I would have walked away and hidden in the woods  
my mystery dismissed as boyish spirits  
and when I came of age I would have left to find another place  
your castle perhaps, to see what you make of me  
my strange ways the strangeness of a traveller from a strange land  
and I would pull you from these waters all the same  
but to keep you not to lose you, prince._

_But I am not a boy and I am strange, and that is enough  
for your father to pull me from my village and wrap me round with irons  
and push me in these waters that keep my bones forgotten in the dark green tangle  
and my shadow pulls you from the lake that you might not find peace where I may not._

_Hold my shadow while you can, my prince  
I cannot leave and you cannot stay  
your land and people cry to you  
while my bones lie in the cold waters at the gates of Avalon  
and I dream of the sunlight and warm grass  
and fruit swelling on the tree  
under which you embraced my shadow  
and promised me forever and the earth.  
Farewell, prince. _

* * *

PART II

The Lady:  
_I dreamt of a dragon in a cave, sunken in shadows as I am in these waters  
and he spoke to me of destiny and time to come  
but brave dragon, I have no time and no destiny  
my bones are tangled in the weeds and mud at the bottom of the lake.  
I cannot begin to dream what you want from me.  
Then he bade me hold a sword that he could temper it, and I did  
for there was a blade that could give me rest._

_But prince, you took it up and cast it away, into this lake where my bones lie waiting  
and left me here again uneasy with your blade through my hollowed ribs  
and left me here  
and left me  
and left. _

* * *

PART III

The Knight:  
_Fair lady standing forlorn by the lake  
Why do you tarry on these desolate shores?  
Surely this grey sky and still waters, these dead rushes and chill winds  
these are not meet company to frame such fair maid as you.  
Tell me what troubles you and makes you sigh  
is it a beloved father or brother away at war  
an ailing mother abed at home  
a faithless lad that wronged you? _

The Lady:  
_Courteous knight, I have no father or brother away at war,  
where my mother's body lies I do not know  
and no faithless lad has found me here, so rest your mind.  
I wait for the king that was and yet to be  
who promised me earth and eternity  
and left me with this sword to hold in my hollow breast  
as I lie beneath these cold waters  
bones wrapped round with irons where none can reach.  
Go in peace and leave me be,  
here to bide against his return. _

The Knight:  
_Fair lady standing forlorn by the lake  
If it is true your bones beneath these waters lie  
Then all the more I should seek to aid you.  
These cold waters are no place for man or maid  
fish and frogs no fit companions  
and it were wrong to leave you here. _

_Take my hand and come with me  
to the old orchard where I grew and played.  
There lie beneath the warm sun and flowering trees  
and watch the fruit ripen on low branches as summer passes.  
Let me bring you warm mulled wine in winter  
and we shall watch the snowflakes fall, and dream of spring once more. _

The Lady:  
_Courteous knight, I do not know these dreams  
my girlhood springs rained mother's tears and bloomed in dreams of fire.  
And then came the king with horses and knights  
and found me here, and wrapped me round in irons  
and pushed me in  
here to bide  
and hope for the king that was and yet to be. _

The Knight:  
_Fair lady, speak no more and take my hand.  
Have mercy on a poor knight who cannot bear to see you so forlorn.  
Come away from these sad shores and leave waiting.  
I will take you to the orchard of my boyhood days  
there to learn what spring should be, will be. _

The Lady:  
_Kind knight, I would not risk you... _

The Knight:  
_At your service, my lady. _

* * *

PART IV

Beneath the waters  
beneath the waters you lie  
beneath the waters, in the gloom at the gates of Avalon  
in tangled weeds, wrapped round with irons  
all is cold  
all is still  
all is quiet

a splash

a hand  
rough hands  
on your wrist, your arm, your shoulders  
blood-hot  
pulling you from the silt and tangled weeds  
up  
up  
through the water  
stony ground beneath you  
pressure on your chest you are choking again and drowning  
your lungs burning  
with air  
drowning  
in air

hands on your face, a face above yours, laughing.

you are flesh, you are blood, and beneath your hands  
inside your shadow that embraced the prince  
inside you  
life has quickened.

* * *

PART V

He finds her by the lake in spring, where the rushes grow  
beneath the blooming tree where he embraced the shadow that pulled him from the water.  
_Have you come for your sword?_ she asks him, soft as thought.  
_It lies beneath the waters still._

_No, my lady,_ he replies, holding out his hands, unarmed. _I come for you_  
_as I promised, when we lay beneath this self-same tree._

_And your land, and your people?_

_They are safe, and well-attended, have no fear._

_And what of me, and my bones that wait beneath the lake in which you sheathed your sword?_

_I come for you, as I swore I would. I have no earth and no eternity to give, but all I am is yours,_ he says, and takes her hands. _You are warm._

_She is,_ says the knight, coming forth from the little hut where they bided in patience for the prince's return.  
_All this while she waited beneath the cold, dark waters, and only wanted for a friendly hand to pull her back to shore, whole and warm._

_All this while, living?_ he asks, holding her hands.

_All this while I waited, and held your sword in safety in my breast,_ she says to him, and presses his hand to the white scar over her beating heart, and on the swell of life ripening in her belly.

_I am here now, my lady,_ he says to her  
and she replies, _I am done waiting._

How it ends no one now knows. The woods are silent and the lake is still.


End file.
